are you still at the devil's house?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
