my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
