So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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