and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
