So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
