The police scanner is talking about you again....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
