On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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