my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
