I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize