One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
