I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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