Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yo dont text me then not text me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
