who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I've blown a few things in my day
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
