He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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