found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
