i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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