Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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