I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
