Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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