i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the day after is always just damage control
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize