He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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