Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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