STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
