yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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