just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
