pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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