You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
