I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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