you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
