All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
