She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dear god my vagina.
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