Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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