wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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