its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
