Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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