I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
