This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
