apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
