so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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