No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
