who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
