I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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