it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
