if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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