I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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