my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
