so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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