i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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