i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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