Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
