I only kidnapped one of them. chill
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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