so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
