would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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