dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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