The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
