just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize