I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
