i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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