So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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