i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am available for nakedness
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
