Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
