I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
