Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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