I feel great
I just peed on a car
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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