just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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