In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
