barbara walters just said penis...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
