my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
