Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
