Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
