called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
