Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
