How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
