When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
we're so committed to being not committed
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
