have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
