it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
