SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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