I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
