The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize