It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
