distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
