All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
