Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
