I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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