Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize