But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
