Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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