I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize