Kareoke will never be a sober sport
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
