just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
