uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
