can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
