CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
