I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
