Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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