If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
