You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
