So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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