Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your cock deserves a montage
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
