I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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