sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
